I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
