dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
