my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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