Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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