wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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