Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
