yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
