it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
