If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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