they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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