google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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