i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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