I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize