is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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