If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's like heaven, but drunker
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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