i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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