Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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