It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
