her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
