fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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