thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
