I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
