please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
