literally had 100 drinks last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
