she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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