Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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