Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
