i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
