I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
