i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
soo... how was my night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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