Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
