Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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