forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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