I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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