your parents love me but you hate me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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