is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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