eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
