I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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