I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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