I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
