Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
