Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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