and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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