I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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