I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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