the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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