When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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