You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
