Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
