Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
