Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
