11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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