I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
