I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
