the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
