so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
