I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
