sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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