I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
