My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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