she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize