Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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