pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We need to get me chipped asap
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
