Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
did i just pee glitter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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