Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty