My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.