Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql

Replies (17) Good night (4845) Bad night (823)
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(941): View more from Florida

Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

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(941): Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to http://tfl.nu/6uk1

Replies (36) Good night (6518) Bad night (2317)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money

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(570): I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money http://tfl.nu/ayme

Replies (40) Good night (4326) Bad night (1006)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

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(920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y

Replies (23) Good night (3350) Bad night (4099)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors

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(973): He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors http://tfl.nu/k8g7

Replies (8) Good night (5644) Bad night (2066)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

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(832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy

Replies (38) Good night (8978) Bad night (2054)
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(631): View more from New York

He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

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(631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc

Replies (30) Good night (12545) Bad night (1908)
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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER

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(801): I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER http://tfl.nu/tbl0

Replies (13) Good night (3844) Bad night (766)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.

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(403): You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark. http://tfl.nu/dx9e

Replies (17) Good night (2368) Bad night (752)
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(512): View more from Texas

I can dry shave vagina like a champ

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(512): I can dry shave vagina like a champ http://tfl.nu/x1sm

Replies (20) Good night (757) Bad night (1987)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.

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(778): they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see. http://tfl.nu/hkkp

Replies (10) Good night (1590) Bad night (798)
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(815): View more from Illinois

is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?

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(815): is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal? http://tfl.nu/lpf5

Replies (14) Good night (819) Bad night (563)
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(408): View more from California

Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.

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(408): Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring. http://tfl.nu/7yo3

Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (419)
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(703): View more from Virginia

All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.

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(703): All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it. http://tfl.nu/mbv5

Replies (4) Good night (522) Bad night (324)
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(771): View more from

Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.

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(771): Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch. http://tfl.nu/xmqw

Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (278)

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