there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
