the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.