Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
