chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
