This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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