oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
