she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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