Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
