You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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