He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it's like heaven, but drunker
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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