i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
