He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
