Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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