You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
