Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
